


face it we're jaded (and happily so)

by ieatravioli



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, NON/CON, Sexual Content, background ziam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 19:24:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatravioli/pseuds/ieatravioli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis meets harry and thinks he is the best thing in the whole world but harry is a mystery that he is not so sure he wants to solve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	face it we're jaded (and happily so)

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is just a load of angst and smut that i unleashed and dont even know where it came from tbh. oh and there is excessive size difference because.... well just because.
> 
> the summary is kind of vague but i can't really give too much away!
> 
> the title is based on the song forever falling by professor green which i listened to a lot while writing this and you should listen to it too :)

It is a Thursday when Louis met Harry Styles. It is a Thursday when Louis changed his favourite day from Saturday to Thursday.

It was the end of his first year exams and it was Zayn’s idea that the two of them plus Liam go on a ‘bender’. Surprisingly Liam was more behind the idea than Louis was but they still managed to find themselves queuing outside the student club for more than half an hour.

Louis had nearly went home, he really did. But the moment his eyes land on the dancing boy he knew it would have been a bad mistake.

He has curly brown hair that instantly makes Louis’ fingers itch. He longed to twirl a finger around a curl and have it bounce back like a spring.

He has his back to Louis as he swings his hips in time to the music. He has no rhythm whatsoever but Louis doesn’t care. His body is long and the black skinny jeans he is wearing make his legs look even longer than Louis’ whole body. He has a bad posture, hunching over as he dances but again; Louis doesn’t care.

It is when he turned around that Louis bites back on a longing gasp. The boy’s eyes meet his and they are impossibly green. Blown out due to whatever he was drinking and staring right at Louis with an intensity that should have made him feel uncomfortable.

His lips are a sinful shade of pink and just the right size to suggest he would be excellent at sucking cock.

Louis likes, no- _loves_ , everything about him.

“Louis! Shots?!” Zayn shouts over the music and Louis tears his eyes away from the stranger.

Zayn and Liam are watching him curiously from the bar, with a line of shots waiting for him. He decides he might need them before he makes his inevitable approach on the guy on the dance floor.

He does three shots and enjoys each one. The bitter sting reminds him that he is finished his semester and has a lot of freedom ahead of him. He likes the way his stomach twists slightly and how the beat of the music makes it feel like the alcohol is swimming in his veins.

“Dance floor!” Louis shouts hoping Zayn or Liam hear him and sidles his way past the crowds and onto the floor.

The curly stranger is not there but for the moment Louis focuses on the song and the movement of his hips. He prides himself on his dance moves when he has a drink in him. He loosens up and becomes the life of the dance floor.

“Nice moves” he hears a voice behind him that makes goose bumps spring up on the back of his neck.

“I know” he replies with a cheeky smirk without even turning around.

He does turn around when a pair of large hands grip his hips.

A pair of green eyes meet his and Louis grins triumphantly.

“Nice moves yourself” Louis teases waggling his eyebrows down at the hands resting on his hips.

“I do try” the boy smirks and Louis knows he has met a good match. He watches as the boy’s pupils constantly change size; one moment the green is taking over his pupil and the other it’s almost like his whole eye is black. It’s like a constant lunar eclipse happening in this boy’s eyes.

“My name is Harry, Harry Styles” he tells Louis with a wide smile like he thinks his name is a gift.

“Harry” Louis muses and likes the way it sounds coming from his mouth.

“What? Your name is Harry too?” Harry says in mock shock and Louis can’t help the bark of laughter he emits.

“No idiot. My name is Louis Tomlinson” Louis tells him and starts moving his hips faster when the song changes to something more upbeat.

Harry pulls him closer with that grin still on his face and Louis almost blushes. He looks like a really tall innocent child but with the way he grips Louis hips and stares at Louis lips makes Louis think there is more to Harry Styles than meets the eye.

They remain silent for the rest of the song and just dance. Louis doesn’t think about how Harry’s body compliments his in every way another body can. His huge hands encompass Louis and make him feel small but strangely safe. Louis hips seem to start where Harrys end. Everything about Harry is just big- bigger than Louis. Usually Louis would hate it. Hate having someone look down at him and hate having to stand on his toes to kiss them.

He can’t help but reconsider his hatred with the way Harry bows his head to look at Louis and the way he pulls Louis even closer to kiss him.

He’s almost bent over with Harry towering over him but he loves it. Harry’s lips are soft and warm and Louis would gladly stand on a step ladder in order to reach them.

When Harry deepens the kiss Louis groans into his mouth and staggers on his toes. But he doesn’t fall because Harry has a tight hold on his waist. They stumble against the wall until Harry slides down it so he is just at Louis height. When Louis pulls away for air he can’t help but want Harry to stand upright again. He _loves_ Harry’s height.

Harry’s eyes are blown full on black and his cheeks are a flushed pink.

“Want another drink?” Louis breathes finding it nearly impossible to drag his eyes from Harry’s wet mouth back to his eyes.

“I don’t need one” Harry says with a wink and Louis snorts because really?

“That has to be the worst chat up line ever” Louis tells him and eyes the bar longingly.

“No I mean I don’t need one” Harry says again and pulls a small plastic sachet from his pocket. Which is empty. “Pills” he explains when Louis frowns in confusion.

“Oh right well I’m going to get a drink, wait here?” Louis asks and tries to sound less needy than he feels.

“Of course” Harry says with a drawl that makes Louis’ gut clench.

Louis practically runs to the bar where Zayn is doing a beer bong while Liam cheers him on. Without making himself known, Louis does another few shots before making his way back to the dance floor.

He almost panics when Harry is no longer against the wall but he hears someone call his name from the middle of the floor. He turns and finds Harry talking to a smaller blonde lad whose limbs seem to have a mind of their own. Harry is waving for him to come over and Louis does so with a cautious step. Or more of a drunken stumble.

“This is my friend Niall!” Harry shouts in Louis’ ear and Louis tries to shake Niall’s hand but his arm keeps shooting off into the air in time to the song.

Harry laughs loudly; a proper throw-your-head-back laugh and Louis stares at the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.

“I just got more pills. Want some?” Harry asks and sticks out his tongue where a small pink pill sits at the tip.

Louis gulps and stares. He’s never taken pills before and never really planned to. Alcohol is all he thinks he needs to have a good time. But Harry looks so good and his tongue so inviting.

“You take it, I’m ok” Louis waves him off and fights not to add “but I’d still like a kiss”

“Fair enough” Harry shrugs and swallows the pill before hugging Niall and shouting goodbye to him.

Louis starts to wave his own goodbye at Niall but Harry grabs his arms and throws them around his neck. Louis immediately goes up on his toes and this time Harry kisses him with intent.

It’s all tongue and lips and embarrassing noises that Louis is glad get lost in the noise of the club. Harry’s hands feel like they are everywhere and Louis wonders would it be worth getting thrown out to wrap his legs around Harry’s slim waist and leave bruises on his neck.

“Wanna get out of here?” Harry pulls back and breathes against the shell of his ear before licking and biting it.

Louis can only nod vigorously in response and barely has time to grab his jacket before Harry is pulling him out the door.

Louis texts Zayn that he is leaving before Harry pulls him into the taxi and onto his lap.

Louis can barely register what’s happening because Harry has one hand up Louis top and the other on his arse. His lips travel erratically from Louis lips to his neck to his collarbone.

He’s almost wild with it. Starts grinding Louis down into him much to the taxi driver’s annoyance. But Louis doesn’t care. He thrives on it and rolls his hips every time Harry pulls him down.

“How far away is your place?” Harry asks and Louis tells him it’s just a block away from where they are now.

“Can we go there instead? Niall might bring a girl home” Harry asks and how can Louis say no to a face as flushed as his.

So they’re quickly stumbling out of the taxi and into Louis’ flat that he shares with Zayn and Liam.

He texts Zayn again begging him to keep Liam busy for at least another hour or two and doesn’t even have time to put his phone back in his pocket because Harry is lifting him by the thighs to press him against the door.

“You’re strong” Louis breathes into Harry’s mouth when the boy releases one hand to stroke down Louis chest.

“ _You’re_ light” Harry replies with a smirk and presses sloppy kisses to Louis neck.

Louis wraps his legs tighter around Harry’s back and worries that his trousers might just split. Harry is starting to grind him against the door all while kissing him messily.

Harry releases him to pull both their t-shirts off and Louis marvels at the tattoos that decorate Harry’s skin. Harry presses a hand against Louis stomach and hums with pleasure.

Without warning Harry quickly pops Louis’ jeans button and slides them down to his ankles and wraps his lips around Louis cock through his boxers. Louis whines and bucks his hips, gasping at the heat of Harry’s mouth through his now impossibly tight boxers.

He nearly cries with anticipation staring down at Harry’s bright pink lips as they start to press urgent kisses to the insides of Louis’ thighs.

Harry presses against his stomach again to refrain him from bucking his hips and slowly slides Louis boxers down to join his jeans.

Harry huffs out a breath when Louis’ dick springs free and quickly wraps a hand around it. Louis knew Harry’s hands were big but he was not prepared for how good it would feel to have one wrapped around him.

“Gonna make you scream” Harry mutters into Louis hip before licking his way from the base to the tip. Louis shudders at the thought and quickly wraps his hands in Harry’s hair.

It doesn’t take long for Harry to leave Louis whimpering and curling his toes in his shoes. Just like Louis thought, Harry is excellent at giving head. It’s no big deal for him to take Louis all the way down until Louis can feel him breathing through his nose against Louis stomach. He drags his nails softly across Louis’ belly and hums against his slit every time his lips reach it.

He looks like he could do it for hours and Louis wishes he had the control to last that long.

“Harry” he manages to choke out as some form of warning but Harry just hollows out his cheeks and closes his eyes and that’s all Louis needs. He clenches his hand in Harry’s hair and Harry lets him buck his hips as he comes down Harry’s throat.

“Fuck me!” Louis breathes out when Harry stands back up and palms himself through his jeans.

“That’s what I’m working on” Harry winks and kisses Louis chastely on the lips.

After more than an hour Liam and Zayn return home and Louis has to cover Harry’s mouth as he rides him. Harry seems to have all the energy in the world as he holds Louis by the lower back and lifts his hips up to meet Louis every thrust.

He is unabashed with his head thrown back, his now bruised neck inviting Louis to taint it. He is carefree with the noises he is making each time Louis’ ass slams down against his thighs.

Although Louis is far from a quitter he doesn’t think he can last long; he has already surprised himself for lasting this long anyway. But Harry is wired. All wide eyed and earnest and willing to give Louis the best night of his life.

“I need to come soon” Louis groans into Harry’s hair and grips his own knees to balance himself.

Harry grins and flips Louis so he is above him, curls dangling into Louis’ eyes and leaving Harry’s sweat dripping down to join Louis’ on his chest.

In just three pounding thrusts Louis is arching his back off the bed and coming hard against Harry’s stomach. Harry watches his face intensely and grips Louis hips before coming himself with a loud cry of Louis’ name.

Louis doesn’t even care about his roommates when Harry lets out a string of curses as they both come down from their high.

“That was fun” Louis laughs quietly into Harry’s shoulder after wiping them both down with a cloth.

“Yeah, wanna go again?!” Harry leans up on one elbow and smiles down at Louis. His eyes are bloodshot but still blown out and Louis wonders just how long the effect of the pills last. He is exhausted.

“I’m tired” Louis admits and blushes when Harry seems to look disappointed.

Harry starts to jiggle his leg and looks like he is debating with himself internally. Louis waits nervously and prepares himself for Harry’s inevitable exit from the room.

“Ok, let’s sleep then” Harry sighs and rests back down into the mattress and throws an arm out for Louis to curl into him.

Louis eyes him warily and wonders when a one night stand turned into something that felt much more important.

“Well?!” Harry cocks an eyebrow and Louis immediately curls into his chest basking in the warmth of Harry Styles.

/

When Louis wakes the following morning everything is hazy at first. But as he opens his eyes and spots the empty side of the bed clearly slept in and the way his thighs throb painfully- he remembers.

He sighs and rubs the side of the bed Harry was sleeping on almost pathetically. He wishes he could have seen what Harry looked like in the morning.

“Who the fuck are you?!” He hears Zayn shout in the kitchen and a few thumping and crashing noises.

“Oh… Um…”

It’s Harry. He is still here.

Louis trips in his effort to throw his boxers on and run into the kitchen to save Harry from the wrath that is hungover-Zayn.

“Zayn this is Harry, my friend” Louis breathes and his eyes widen when they land on Harry. He is standing at the oven cooking some eggs and wearing Louis’ clothes. Clothes that don’t fit him right. Grey sweatpants that stop above his ankles and a hoodie that the sleeves barely even reach past Harry’s elbows. It nearly makes Louis cry.

“Oh, the screamer?” Zayn snorts pushing past Harry to get to the fridge.

Harry doesn’t even blush, just shrugs and lets Louis do the blushing for him.

“Only when it’s good” he answers and this time Zayn’s cheeks blaze with heat. But Zayn likes a challenge and turns to Harry with fire in his eyes.

“Yeah he’s good alright especially when he does that spinning thing with his hips”

Harry laughs while Louis shrieks and Liam walks in with a fake I-don’t-care look on his face.

“Exactly” Harry says brightly and turns back to the frying pan to flip the contents.

Zayn eyes Liam and admits his defeat. Well, Louis knows he does because he doesn’t reply and opts to kiss Liam’s cheek before retreating back to his room.

“Hi, I’m Liam” Liam offers his hand to Harry who shakes it with a bright smile on his face.

“Harry, Harry Styles”

“Do you introduce yourself like James Bond all the time or…?” Liam jeers but his mouth lifts in a friendly smile.

Harry does blush this time and Louis thinks he is the most ridiculous human on the planet. He doesn’t blush at a dig at his sexual antics but does at his general mannerisms.

“Breakfast is ready” Harry says cheerily and Liam looks at the plate of food he dishes up with astonishment.

“He’s a keeper” Liam mutters while forking a whole fried egg into his mouth.

Harry and Louis both blush this time but grin all the same. Louis can’t suppress the flutter in his belly when Harry tries to cover his dimple with the sleeve of Louis’ hoodie that doesn’t even cover his wrist.

Liam leaves after devouring most of the food and Louis and Harry sit on opposite counter tops eating the rest.

“So any plans today?” Harry asks and Louis hopes his tone is nervous and Louis is not just making it up.

“I’m free for the next 3 months” Louis smiles and stretches luxuriously, seeing the future of partying laid ahead of him. “Well I have a small job in the cafe across the road but yeah… no plans”

Harry smiles widely and his knees knock together in a way that’s much too adorable for Louis to handle.

“Want to come to a party in mine tonight?” He asks and Louis pretends to consider it before nodding his head.

“Great! Will I pick you up?” Harry jumps off the counter and starts to head back into Louis room.

“Yeah sure” Louis leans against the doorframe and watches Harry dress unashamedly.

“Great, see you around 8” Harry rushes around the room and Louis can’t believe he’s met someone who is more of a blur than him himself.

Harry offers him one last grin and a kiss on the forehead before rushing out the door.

Louis stands in a stunned silence for five minutes before kicking himself. He never even got Harry’s number.

/

“You think he isn’t going to show?” Zayn asks watching Louis pace from his perch on the sofa.

“Well why would he?” Louis huffs and checks his reflection one more time. He wasn’t sure what kind of party it was going to be so he went for casually formal. If that was a thing. A white shirt that he can’t help admire his own chest in and his tightest black jeans. He knows how to work his assets.

“Don’t start fishing for compliments” Zayn sighs and flops back down onto the couch.

“I didn’t even get his number” Louis grunts and fixes his fringe.

“He’s only ten minutes late” Liam pokes his head out of the bathroom and offers Louis a wolf whistle.

Louis is about to answer with something dramatically self-depreciating when there is a loud knock on the door.

Liam’s eyes widen comically and Louis checks his reflection just one last time and wipes his hands nervously on his jeans before flinging the door open.

Harry is standing breathless on the step with one shoe on and his shirt half tucked into his open jeans. His hair is a mess but he smiles brightly up at Louis all the same.

“Sorry I’m so late, I just woke up!”

“You … did you literally just roll out of bed and come here?” Louis gapes at his dishevelled appearance in disbelief.

“I didn’t want to stand you up” Harry grins sheepishly looking down at himself with a grimace.

“I have so many questions but let’s just get out of here” Louis shakes his head with a laugh and waves goodbye to the bored looking Zayn and the excited Liam before pulling the door closed.

“Sorry” Harry says again and starts tucking his shirt into his jeans and doing up the zip and button.

Louis walks closer to him and notices Harry’s eyes are doing that eclipse thing again and Louis is fascinated by this ridiculous boy in front of him. So he kisses him quickly on the lips and relishes in Harry’s pleased smile.

“What was that for?”

“For showing up on my doorstep with one shoe on because you were worried I thought you were standing me up” Louis answers and Harry beams.

“And did you? Think I was standing you up I mean”

Louis doesn’t want to say yes but Harry can read it on his face. Of all things Louis is good at covering up- his emotions are not one of them.

Harry wraps a hand around the back of Louis neck and kisses him deeper than the light peck Louis gave him. It’s all lips and tongue and Louis almost wants to ask him to forget about the party and just come back inside to fuck.

“Ok Mr Tomlinson it’s time you show me how to really party” Harry smirks when he pulls away and Louis pulls at his tight jeans before following Harry up the road.

/

An hour into the party Louis finds himself on top of a table dancing to people’s cheers and Niall even shoves what looks like a dollar note in his back pocket. He doesn’t question why Niall has it and grins down at the blonde who has two cups of alcohol in each hand.

“Oi stop leering at him” Harry pushes Niall away playfully and grabs Louis around the knees to throw him over his shoulder. Louis thanks his stars he is too drunk to get hard right there simply because of the strength of Harry.

Harry jumps in time to the music and for a scary moment Louis thinks he might vomit all over Harry’s back.

Harry thankfully puts him down and presses against Louis back, dances with his hands holding Louis firmly to his chest.

Louis closes his eyes and sees stars behind them and laughs. He’s so drunk and has the best looking boy he’s probably ever met grinding against him: he feels on top of the world.

After a while the party doesn’t look like it is going to end soon and Louis loves it. He doesn’t even know or care what time it is. He is sitting on Harry’s lap on his small balcony having a conversation with one of Harry’s friends he’ll probably forget in the morning.

Niall comes out and winks at Harry and Louis downing the rest of his drink and throwing the plastic cup over the edge of the balcony.

“Want something Harry?” Niall says and Louis looks over his shoulder where Harry is nodding with a drunken grin on his face.

Niall fishes in his pocket and takes out some pills and places one on his tongue.

He leans on Louis knees, winks at him before reaching over his shoulder and Louis cranes his neck to watch as Harry and Niall’s mouths connect. Their eyes are still open and Harry’s tongue flicks out to transfer the pill into his own mouth. Louis can’t help the jealousy that stirs in his stomach.

“Want one?” Niall waggles his eyebrows at Louis when he pulls away from Harry who chews slowly on the pill and smacks his lips after he swallows.

“I’m good with my friend vodka here” Louis answers and chugs the rest of his drink.

“Fair enough” Niall shrugs and jumps up when ‘Niggas in Paris’ stats blaring from inside. “That’s my cue” he rubs his hands together and bounds into the room to a loud chorus of cheers.

Harry laughs loudly and leans back with his arms behind his head so Louis has to turn around to balance himself on Harry’s shoulders.

“Having fun?” Harry asks in a lazy drawl and Louis stares at his lips which are horribly plump.

“I’d be having more fun if you took me to bed already” Louis cocks an eyebrow and grinds down into Harry watching his green eyes widen in interest.

Harry grabs Louis by the ass and starts kissing him with intent. He kisses slowly but with small bites and moans every now and then that make Louis squirm in his lap.

Louis pulls back and pulls down on Harry shirt to lick at the wings of his sparrow tattoos.

Harry goes slack and he rests his head against Louis free shoulder while Louis makes his mark on his skin.

“Ok let’s go” Harry breathes into his ear when Louis bites on the throbbing vein on his neck.

“Bingo” Louis grins and struggles to get off Harry’s lap. “These damn jeans” he huffs but knows they’re worth it when he catches Harry biting his lip at the sight of his ass.

It takes them more than ten minutes to make their way through the throngs of people. Harry and Niall’s apartment is small and there are over 40 people crammed in dancing and kissing and god knows what else. Louis doesn’t have high hopes for Harry’s bedroom being free.

His heart soars when Harry takes a key out of pocket and winks at Louis before opening a door to what must be Harry’s bedroom.

Louis doesn’t know Harry but looking around his room he knows that with the right level of concentration he could get to know him from just his habitat. But that’s pretty difficult when Harry has two large hands groping his arse and two large lips kissing down his neck.

Louis doesn’t want to be as drunk as he is for this; he wants to remember that impossible dark look in Harry’s eyes and the way he keens when Louis presses his palm into Harry’s bulge.

Louis makes quick of his own shirt and Harry’s throwing it and his own shirt somewhere in the room. It’s clean, weirdly clean for such a hurricane of a boy, so they’ll be easy to find later.

“Go slow” Harry’s says hoarsely when Louis slips open the button of his own jeans. Harry sits down on the edge of his bed and eyes Louis expectantly.

Louis licks his lips and his stomach jolts with both nervousness and excitement.

So he does, he slowly unzips his jeans and dips his thumbs under the waistband. He should feel ridiculous but the way Harry is watching him makes him feel like the hottest person alive.

At an agonisingly slow pace he starts to slide his jeans down his hips. His breath hitches when they catch on his erection and between that and his ass it’s going to be a struggle to get them off as well as Harry might expect. Harry notices and grins lazily, flicking his own button open but quickly shucks his jeans off.

“Well?” He points at Louis’ jeans and Louis blushes furiously.

“I can’t go slow anymore my fucking arse is too big” Louis huffs and Harry bursts out laughing, clutching his stomach and wiping his eyes with glee.

“What??!” Louis stares at him and feels a slight wave of shame.

“And _I’m_ the ridiculous one?” Harry stops laughing and waves for Louis to come closer to him. Louis does so with a nervous shuffle and settles between Harry’s legs.

Harry keeps smiling at him but starts to help slide Louis’ jeans down his legs. Louis finally gets them off and Harry places a tentative kiss to his hip, stroking over the bone and pressing down on it.

Louis pushes Harry back onto the bed and kisses all over his chest savouring the taste and the noises Harry makes.

“You’re gorgeous” Harry grunts grabbing Louis hair to yank his head back and Louis blushes under his gaze.

His eyes are bloodshot and rolling slightly but Louis puts it down to arousal and quickly moves down to pull Harry’s boxers off.

“It’s my turn on top” Louis smiles before licking up Harry’s cock just as slowly as Harry made him strip out of his pants.

“Christ” Harry reacts and throws an arm over his eyes as Louis starts teasing him more and more with his tongue.

He doesn’t need to ask Harry where the supplies are because the lube, condoms and tissues are laid out neatly on Harry’s bedside locker.

“You’re very anal” Louis blurts out as he coats his fingers and Harry moves his arm back from his face to stare at Louis.

They both burst out laughing over Louis ridiculous choice of words and go red in the face from it.

Before Harry loses track of where things should be going Louis thrusts a finger into him without warning.

“Ah fuck!” Harry gasps, grabbing at Louis hair in surprise.

Louis hums and leans down to kiss Harry chastely before crooking his finger and pulling it back out again.

Soon he has Harry in a quivering state begging Louis for more. His hair is sticking to his forehead and every time Louis’ name comes out of his lips Louis’ breathing becomes more laboured.

When Harry’s grip on his shoulders becomes almost painful he pulls his fingers out and finally coats his cock in lube.

Without hesitation he pushes all the way into Harry and whimpers when he feels his hips meet Harry’s ass.

“So tight” he gasps and Harry’s mouth falls open in a silent cry.

“If you want me to move you’re gonna have to speak Harry” Louis teases and drops his head to kiss Harry’s chest. He flexes his fingers around Harry’s hips and resists the strong urge he has to just fuck Harry right into the mattress.

“God fucking move then” Harry finally grits out and his hands scramble for purchase on Louis’ back.

“Your wish is my command” Louis grins and pulls out only to push right back in and has Harry yelling out his name.

Louis loses it then, starts pounding into Harry until his head is knocking the headboard against the wall and Harry’s nails are breaking skin on Louis’ back.

Harry’s eyes are squeezed shut and his lips are raw from being bitten.

“Open your… eyes” Louis pants as the familiar heat coils in his stomach.

Harry opens his eyes and looks at Louis. They’re dark and so so green that Louis loses his breath. He fucks into Harry one more time before letting out a harsh cry and comes deep inside him.

Harry reaches down and pumps himself twice before coming with a sob all over Louis and himself.

Louis pulls out and flops beside him, sighing shakily and feels his heart beat rapidly in his chest.

“You’re amazing” Harry gushes and sits up to wipe them off.

“I know” Louis yawns with a wink and snuggles under Harry’s blanket fully expecting him to join him.

He feels disappointed when Harry starts reaching for his clothes.

“Where are you going?” He asks sounding needier that he wants to.

“I’m not done partying” Harry winks and Louis marvels at the boy’s stamina.

“Can I sleep?” Louis asks pathetically and Harry smiles softly kissing his forehead.

“Of course! I hope you don’t mind that I will lock you in? I don’t want any of my pervy friends taking advantage of your beautiful body” Harry shakes the key at him and Louis shakes his head, gushing at the compliment.

“‘Night Louis” Harry murmurs before leaving Louis in his bed.

/

Louis wakes up at three o clock and Harry has still not come to bed.

He finds himself worrying both about Harry’s wellbeing and how the fuck he’s going to get out of this room.

He puts his clothes back on and knocks on the door hoping someone will hear his cries for help.

“What’s the racket” he hears Niall grumble on the other side of the door from what sounds like the floor.

“Umm, I’m kind of locked in” Louis admits and hears Niall’s heavy sigh and laboured breathing as he shifts from the ground.

“I’ll get the key don’t get stockholm syndrome in the meantime”

Louis leans his head against the door and smiles gratefully. He turns and finally inspects Harry’s room.

The double bed takes up most of the space and Louis is certain that before they had sex in it, the multi-coloured sheets were perfectly made. His headboard is strong and has lights over the top of it which Louis thinks is cute and reminds him of his little sister’s room.

A small bedside locker with his perfectly assembled sex supplies next to a wrapped up phone charger and a small chocolate bar sits beside the bed.

Across from the bed is the window which Harry has draped what looks like a handmade shawl across and Louis can make out the intricate detailing on it and smiles because that is Harry’s idea of a curtain.

Under the window is a chest of drawers that Harry must keep his clothes in and he peeps inside one drawer to see that yep, everything is folded impeccably.

Harry’s shoes are lined up under the bed poking out and there are more boxes under the bed with god knows what in them.

It’s a hilarious difference from Louis’ room which he can hardly make out the floor in.

Before he can snoop some more, a key scratches in the lock and Niall pokes his head in. He looks beyond hungover and Louis’ stomach lurches in pity.

“You’re free fair maiden” Niall sighs and leaves the door open for Louis to exit.

When Louis walks out, Niall has returned to his curled up position on the ground and uses a jacket as a blanket. Before Louis can worry about his comfort the boy lets out a deep snore.

Louis strolls into the sitting room and finds Harry lying on the floor by the door to the balcony. He is wearing a football jersey and boxers and his hair is covering his face. Even though he is clearly a little worse for wear, Louis can’t help but smile at the sight of him.

“Harry?” He gently prods Harry’s arm with his toe and Harry stirs with a groan.

“Fuck off, it’s too early” Harry grumbles and curls in on himself.

“Umm ok I’ll be off then” Louis says and looks around for his shoes.

“Oh Louis no wait sorry I didn’t know it was you” Harry says and quickly stands up, looking immediately like he regrets his fast movements.

“Hungover?” Louis laughs and his own head thumps with pain.

“And the rest” Harry snorts and shakes his fringe out of his eyes. “Want me to walk you home? I might ask for your number this time” he smiles cheekily.

How can Louis resist.

/

They walk back with their hands brushing cautiously together making small talk.

Harry tells him about how he dropped out of Uni a month ago but doesn’t say why. Louis tells him he loves Uni and can’t wait to get results next week.

They talk like that, small things that help get to know each other better and by the time Louis is at his door he has a large smile and a skip to his step.

“That was fun” he tells Harry and watches Harry’s smile spread until that dimple appears.

“Can I have your number?” Harry asks shyly and Louis thinks that at this stage it’s a stupid question.

“Give me your phone you idiot” Louis snorts and feels Harry’s eyes on his fingers as he stabs his number in along with the name _Louis the best person ever_.

“When can I text you?” Harry asks and Louis swears he is a kid.

“Whenever you want to Harry” he says and Harry seems to blush when Louis says his name.

Louis dares to give him a goodbye kiss which ends up with Harry pressing Louis against the door rutting against his leg until a cough sounds from behind them.

Louis disentangles himself and leans up on his toes to look over Harry’s shoulder. Zayn and Liam are standing with shopping bags cradled in their arms throwing dubious looks in their direction.

“Oh sorry, I’ll be out of your hair now then” Harry coughs awkwardly, looking at Louis longingly as he walks away from him backwards.

Zayn struts past to open the door while Liam says a quick hello and goodbye to Harry and Louis waves before following them inside.

“That was disgusting” Zayn comments as he puts the shopping away and Liam punches Louis fondly in the arm.

“Louis’ in loooove” he coos and Louis swats his hand away but can’t contain his giddy grin.

/

For the next few weeks Louis and Harry meet up quite frequently.

They have dinner and drinks in Louis’, party and fuck in Harry’s and sometimes if they’re feeling extra generous they’ll treat each other to a meal or a night out.

Louis finds himself in his own happy bubble and doesn’t even care when Zayn finds texts saved to his phone from Harry saying things like _goodnight Lou :) x_ or _I love the way your mouth looks around my cock ;)_.

Harry seems to be the same. He’s still as energetic as when he met him, maybe even more. Louis has grown accustomed to his constantly dilating pupils and his never ending energy in bed. In fact, he loves it.

He treats Louis like royalty. And Louis feels like he could get used to it.

“What are we doing tonight?” Louis asks Harry down the phone as he crams into the staff toilets in the little cafe he works in.

“Party in Niall’s not-a-girlfriend-but-a-friend-whose-a-girl’s house” Harry says through a mouthful of food.

“Did you just wake up?” Louis snorts glancing at the clock that reads 5pm.

“Maybe” Harry smiles down the phone and Louis pictures him lounging on his sofa with a bowl of cereal perched on his belly.

“So what time will I come over?”

“9 and wear something … skimpy”

Louis startles. “Excuse me?”

Harry huffs a laugh down the phone and suddenly dons his voice Louis has come to know as his phone sex voice. “You heard me”

“Harry I’m at work and why would I come in something skimpy?!”

“So? And the theme of the night is Tarzan, whatever that means but I can’t get the picture of you in a loincloth out of my head”

It should be ridiculous and Louis should laugh but once Harry sounds hoarse and turned on like that anything could make him hard.

“I’m not wearing a loincloth Styles” Louis laughs trying to sound composed and hopes Harry doesn’t know he’s groping himself in his stupidly tight work trousers.

“Well maybe not a loincloth but you know…I’ll be your Jane if you want”

Louis does laugh then because what else can he do.

“Jesus imagine your thighs” Harry grumbles and Louis nearly shrieks when he hears the familiar sound of skin on skin.

“Harry... Harry are you wanking to the thought of me dressed as Tarzan?!” Louis asks and Harry’s answer is a shaky breath and a loud hum.

“Fuck”

/

This is how Louis finds himself arriving at Harry’s doorstep wearing a Tarzan outfit Liam had worn for Halloween two years ago.

Harry opens the door laughing over his shoulder and stops abruptly when he sees Louis.

“You …. Tarzan… You’re …”

Louis suddenly doesn’t feel so stupid anymore and puts his hand on his hip and everything. “Like what you see?”

Harry growls low in his throat and pulls Louis into the flat and kisses him breathless.

“Ah lads” Niall protests from the couch and Louis waves at him from behind Harry’s back.

Harry pulls away from Louis and gazes down at him like he is the best thing he has ever seen. It makes Louis want to cry.

Harry’s eyes are black, not a sight of green in them and when Louis spares a glance to the sitting room he sees an empty tube of tablets lying on the table.

“So Louis you’ve really dedicated yourself to the theme” Niall distracts him and Louis eyes his green war paint with a grimace.

“I see you haven’t” and Niall points his bottle of beer at him in a salute.

“What about you what are you doing?” Louis eyes Harry who is, as usual, wearing only his boxers.

Harry holds up a finger and dashes off to his bedroom. There are some crashing noises and cursing and a yelp or two before the door flies back open.

“No” Louis deadpans eying Harry with wide eyes.

“What?” Harry throws his arms out innocently and Niall roars laughing in the background.

Harry stands before him with a yellow pair of hot pants on and a frilly bra with the words _Louis’ Jane_ hand drawn on them. And a white pair of gloves on his hands with an umbrella. And a notebook. And a damn bow in his hair.

“I’m your Jane! Like I said!” Harry says and Louis can’t even focus on the fact that Harry’s wearing hot pants.

“You’re wearing a bra and hot pants Harry. Jane was a classy woman who wore a full length dress and showed very little skin” Louis says and fights the laugh that threatens to bubble out of him.

Harry simply curtsies and giggles dramatically for Louis’ benefit.

“You’re so so ridiculous” Louis tells Harry for what feels like the millionth time.

“Says the one in a furry Tarzan outfit” Harry leans over and snaps at the one strap holding everything up.

“I’m not walking anywhere near you lot” Niall snorts as he takes numerous pictures from his phone.

“Right let’s roll” Harry rubs his hands together and takes a swig of Niall’s beer.

“Jane would never say that”

/

After two hours Harry’s bra is off and Louis doesn’t like to admit that he secretly liked seeing his name on Harry’s chest.

Louis is piss drunk and can hardly see where he is going as he pours himself another drink.

He greets familiar faces and ignores passes made on him and tries to find Harry in the midst of people.

He does find Niall and his not-girlfriend curled up on a sofa making noises that Louis hopes he will forget in the morning.

He’s horny himself and went through the trouble of wearing a loincloth and he wants to fuck Harry for god sake.

“Have you seen Harry?” He asks a stranger leaning against the fringe.

“Harry who?” She asks.

“Styles”

“Ha! Yeah probably doing lines in the bathroom” she snorts and gives Louis what he thinks is an unwarranted dirty look.

He doesn’t understand what she could mean and seeks the bathroom out anyways.

He has to push a few people out the way but he eventually manages to poke his head around the door.

His heart nearly drops to his stomach at what he finds.

Harry is drooped over the bath with what looks like a pool of his own vomit gathering at the plug. There’s blood dripping down the side of his face and running down to join his vomit in the mix.

Without putting much thought into it Louis springs into action despite the fact he’s had his fair share to drink. He runs over to Harry and pulls him up from the bath. He checks his mouth and sees that it’s clear, making sure he won’t choke on any more vomit. He can’t hold Harry for much longer and feels himself slipping on the ground.

“Niall!!” Louis shouts and uses all his strength to be heard above the music.

“Niall help!” Louis screams and hears a crashing sound before Niall comes stumbling into the bathroom.

He looks around and rubs his hand over his face. “Not again” Louis catches Niall mumbling but focuses on Harry, splashing water on his face and tries not to panic when Harry doesn’t react.

“Hold him in a sitting position, stroke his back” Niall mutters and Louis does so quickly feeling sick when droplets of blood splash from the small cut on Harry’s temple into his hands.

Niall kneels in front of Harry and continues splashing his face and grabs one of his hands. Louis tries to see what he’s doing but holding Harry up and rubbing his back is a strain. It looks like Niall is pinching between Harry’s thumb and finger and it seems to be working.

Harry stirs slightly, groaning into Louis arm that’s wrapped around his chest.

Louis wants to breathe with relief but there is still blood coming out of the cut on his head.

“I’ll get the first aid kit” Niall stands up and Louis tries to read the look on his face when he leaves but it’s indecipherable.

Louis continues rubbing Harry’s back who is still a dead weight in his arms but he keeps groaning.

Louis fights back the tears that spring to his eyes and he presses a quick kiss to the back of Harry’s curls.

Niall returns quickly and gets to work on Harry’s cut. He fumbles sometimes, still not entirely sober but eventually has a gauze and bandage wrapped around Harry’s head.

“Do you want me to take it from here?” Niall sighs watching Harry’s face carefully and Louis wishes he could see what Niall is seeing.

“No I’ll take him home, thanks Niall” Louis answers and Niall nods, patting Louis on the shoulder and leaves them alone.

“Louis?” Harry whispers quietly and finally raises his head.

Louis doesn’t answer, too choked up, and stands up helping Harry to sit against the wall. He starts to wash Harry’s vomit and blood from the sides of the bath.

“Louis hey” Harry weakly tugs on his ankle and Louis drops the shower head to face him.

He’s grinning. Actually grinning at Louis.

It’s not the usual grin though, his face is too pale and clammy and his eyes are puffy and empty.

“Too much to drink” Harry laughs mirthlessly and Louis just sighs and returns to cleaning up the bath.

“You really scared me” Louis admits without turning around.

“ _You_ scare me” Harry whispers and Louis bristles. But he wasn’t supposed to hear it so he doesn’t respond.

When he’s done Louis splashes his face and stands up.

“Let’s go” he says and helps Harry onto his feet.

Louis uses the last of his money to get Harry in a taxi and back to his flat.

“Sorry” Harry mumbles when Louis tucks him into his bed.

He doesn’t look at Louis and closes his eyes. For once Louis thinks he looks tiny. His clammy face and hair, pulled back by his now dirty bandage, poke out from the duvet and Louis feels like crying.

Instead he climbs in beside Harry and wraps his whole body around him.

He remembers Niall mumbling “not again” but ignores it. He focuses on kissing Harry’s head and rubbing his trembling body until they finally drift off to sleep.

/

When Louis wakes up Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed playing with the frayed edge of the blanket.

He looks sad and the memories of last night come flooding back. Louis feels sick at the image of Harry drooped over the bath but forces it to the back of his brain and makes an exaggerated stretching noise to let Harry know he’s awake.

Harry snaps to attention and turns to Louis with a wide grin.

“Morning” he says and his eyes are full of worry like he’s afraid of what Louis might say.

So he doesn’t say anything because he never wants Harry to be uneasy around him. He should always be smiling.

“Breakfast?” Louis asks and leans up on his arms to give Harry a quick peck on his lips.

If Harry is surprised he quickly hides it and kisses Louis back with a nod.

Louis jumps out of bed and trusts that Harry will follow him.

“What happened to you” Zayn bluntly points at Harry who scratches the bandage and stares at Louis.

“I fell” Harry answers and coughs sheepishly, squirming under Zayn’s stare.

Zayn eyes them both warily and continues eating. Rather angrily in Louis’ opinion.

Louis makes some toast and Harry eats hardly any of it, wrapping the small blanket Louis offered him tight around himself and avoiding everyone’s eyes.

No matter how much Louis tried with his crude jokes and loud imitations, nothing could get rid of the tension in the room.

Zayn leaves not long after he finishes eating and the tension only heightens.

“Do you want a shower?” Louis asks quietly and Harry jumps at the sound of his voice.

“I’m gonna go home for a while” he answers in a blasé tone and Louis tries not to just beg him to stay and let him take care of him.

“Some clothes of yours are folded in my wardrobe” Louis says and Harry traipses into his room, returning to the kitchen moments later fully dressed and bandage free.

“See you soon?” Harry says and before Louis can even get out of his seat to kiss him Harry’s gone.

/

It’s a long week where Louis doesn’t hear from Harry.

He busies himself in the cafe, offering to work for people who may want a holiday or a break and gains a lot of tips due to his exuberant behaviour. He spends his nights with Liam and Zayn and if they go out he pretends he’s not got a keen eye looking out for Harry.

He pushes back the fear that he might never see Harry again. It’s a small town after all and he can’t shake the feeling that he and Harry are drawn together and probably always will be.

He’s working a quiet Sunday night and fighting every instinct in his body to just go to Harry’s house and kiss him and tell him that he’s forgotten all about the incident when Niall walks in.

There’s a brief moment where Niall looks like he is considering walking back out but Louis puts on his bravest face and ushers Niall over to the counter with a bright smile.

Niall walks over and orders a sandwich and awkwardly hovers by the counter until Louis gestures to an empty seat near the counter.

There’s nobody else in the cafe so Louis sits opposite Niall when his sandwich is brought out.

“So” Louis begins, marvelling at how much Niall can fit in his mouth at once.

“So?” Niall parrots through his mouthful and looks more endearing than disgusting.

“How is he?”

Niall sighs and puts his sandwich down looking before levelling Louis with what he probably thinks is a stern look.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

“Well he’s been avoiding me” Louis shifts his eyes and Niall snorts.

“Or you’ve been avoiding him? I mean do you think he thinks you want to see him after what happened? He’s been a wreck all week, doing me head in if you ask me”

Louis shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Niall is right, Louis hasn’t made any effort to contact Harry himself and a wave of guilt washes over him.

He stands up and takes off his apron and throws it down into the counter.

“If a really angry chef comes looking for me tell him I got explosive diarrhoea or something” Louis tells Niall who pauses before taking a massive bite of his sandwich and offers Louis a thumbs up.

He makes it to Harry’s in record time and knocks three times on the door. He is about to knock again when there no answer but the door flies open and Harry is standing there staring at Louis in wonder.

There’s a palpable silence and then Louis is pushing Harry inside and pressing him against the wall. He kisses him harshly and kicks the door closed with his foot. Snaking his hand under Harry’s blanket he finds the boy is naked and already half hard.

“Miss me?” Louis grins, sliding his hand up and down Harry’s cock leisurely.

“You’ve no idea” Harry gushes and grabs Louis face to crush their lips together in an almost desperate kiss.

Louis drags the blanket off Harry’s shoulders and presses kisses along his collar bone until the bruises he likes to leave reappear.

He takes Harry into his always clean bedroom and fucks him into the mattress. It feels like their first time all over again and when Louis comes it is along with Harry; both of them panting into each other’s mouths.

/

They don’t talk about it but Louis doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind because Harry’s smile is back and he holds Louis hand in public and makes Louis feel like he’s on top of the world. He tells Louis he feels on top of the world too and Louis believes him.

They still party a lot but it takes Louis a long time to loosen up, keeping a sharp eye on Harry who always drinks like a champion.

They spend more time alone, trading lazy kisses and energetic fucks and telling each other stupid things that the other secretly files away.

It’s good; it’s so good that sometimes Louis doesn’t think it’s real.

/

In August Liam’s birthday arrives and Zayn throws a half-surprise party. Half because Liam knows all about it.

Zayn even hired out a small warehouse on the outskirts of town and invited half the college campus. Liam thinks that it’s a simple affair in their apartment and his eyes widen when they pull up outside the rusting building.

“You’re throwing a rave for my surprise party?” He gapes at Zayn in disbelief and his face is one of horror while Zayn and Louis are ones of sheer excitement.

Already buzzed with a few drinks they run into the warehouse and Liam traipses warily after them.

Niall is already there setting up the DJ booth and waves over with a beam.

Zayn and Liam have already been introduced to the blonde and quickly help him to set up before throngs of their friends and fellow students start to troop in.

Louis keeps eyeing the door waiting for the familiar mop of curls to join the crowd. He gets dragged into painting some of his friends in UV paint and soon becomes distracted from looking out for Harry.

It’s when he feels large arms wrap around his waist that he remembers and leans into the touch with a smile.

“Having fun darling?” Harry whispers in his ear and Louis turns in his arms to kiss him.

Harry has UV war paint on his face and some in his hair and Louis can barely make out anything other than his smile in the dark lights.

“I like your paint” Harry drags his fingers over the dots around Louis’ eyes and continues down until he is pulling at Louis’ bottom lip.

The music is loud and the crowd are dancing with no inhibitions and Harry quickly joins them, long limbs flying everywhere. Louis laughs and joins him, jumping about with the crowd and catching Harry’s eye every now and then when the strobe lights give a particularly bright burst.

Harry’s lips are their usual pink colour, his eyes are absolutely blown and he’s lost in the music. It’s hypnotising to Louis and he can’t drag his eyes off him, dancing with him and enjoying the space everyone gives them.

Niall plays a quick happy birthday song for Liam who is nowhere to be found but the crowd sing along anyway. When the lights go off again Louis sees Liam in the far corner of the warehouse being pressed against the wall by Zayn.

“About time”

“What did you say Lou?” Harry shouts, grabbing the whistle around Louis neck and licking it before giving it a sharp blast and laughing afterward.

Louis’ heart races and his stomach bubbles with want. The alcohol and alcoholic effect of Harry come together and he presses himself into Harry’s space.

“Outside. Now” he leans up to grunt in Harry’s ear and Harry squeezes his hips in return.

Louis leads the way and once they’re outside Harry presses him against the cool exterior of the warehouse and sucks and bites down the column of Louis’ neck.

It’s not long before Louis’ trousers are bunched by his knees and Harry’s nose is brushing against his belly as he swallows him down.

Louis fists his hand in Harry’s hair and bucks his hips freely knowing Harry loves it when Louis takes as much of him as can get.

Harry digs his fingers into Louis thighs, a well-known fetish of his these days, and Louis gives one last thrust before throwing his head back and coming down Harry’s throat.

When Harry stands back up on shaky legs Louis reaches out to cup his bulge but Harry swats his hand away and stares down at Louis.

“Wanna see if I can last the night” he tells Louis and cocks a challenging eyebrow before strutting back inside.

Louis does his jeans back up and smiles before chasing him back in.

The rest of the night passes in a blur of alcohol, dancing, UV paint and trying his best to keep Harry hard and aroused.

It’s difficult at times with losing Harry in the large crowd or to the music which Harry dances to like he is part of the beat.

Sometimes though he’ll come up and grind against Harry or lick the rim of his cup suggestively and smile triumphantly when Harry squirms.

He likes a challenge and Harry certainly gives him what he likes.

He loses track of the time and Niall’s ditched the DJ booth in favour of dancing between two very eager girls on the dance floor. So Louis takes over and plays the dirtiest songs he can think of, making a show of it just for Harry. It’s supposed to be a rave but nobody objects to the songs Louis plays, taking their opportunities to dance as dirtily as they wish.

Louis makes sure to move his hips and flex his thighs just right to his favourite song earning a very longing look from the dark green eyes watching him from the edge of the room.

When the song is over he hops down and let’s someone else take over; resume the rave after Louis’ abrupt change. Harry pulls him into a ravishing kiss and his eyes are the blackest Louis has ever seen them.

“I want to take you home but I won’t make it” Harry admits and presses Louis against the dark corner Louis is pretty sure Zayn and Liam were looking cosy in earlier.

Not caring who sees, Harry starts kissing Louis like they’re in the privacy of one of their bedrooms. He pulls Louis into him by the arse and grinds shamelessly against him. Louis balances on his toes and nuzzles into Harry’s neck, letting Harry do all the work.

Harry’s fingers dip lower until his whole hand is gripping Louis cheeks and top of his thighs. He’s pulling him so far in that Louis doesn’t know where he ends and Harry begins. Harry bites Louis neck as he circles his hips against Louis’ and both of them groan low in their throats.

Harry starts thrusting into Louis unashamedly and in some sort of frenzy. Usually if Louis saw anyone like this he would scoff and mutter about them under his breath but right now, it’s the hottest thing he has ever experienced. 

He slips one hand down to rub his palm into Harry’s bulge and Harry cries in Louis’ ear. His head bangs against the wall and Louis presses light kisses against his Adam’s apple, feeling Harry swallow before giving one last thrust and grips Louis wrist to get him to stop.

Louis breathes out heavily and wills his own erection away while Harry regains his breath.

“You’re filthy” Louis laughs when Harry finally opens his eyes and stares intensely at Louis.

He kisses Louis forehead like he normally does and stalks back to the dance floor looking at Louis seductively over his shoulder.

It’s ridiculous really how light Harry makes Louis feel. But he loves it.

Its hours before Harry settles down, Louis is passed out by the DJ booth when Harry shakes him awake. His eyes are bloodshot and his lips are peeling but he’s quivering with what seems like excitement.

“Hello handsome” he grins down at Louis and Louis groans when his stomach churns and his head gives a thump.

The music is off but there are still a few people up dancing and talking. Louis takes Harry’s outstretched hand and lets himself be dragged all the way back to Harry and Niall’s flat. How he walked there he doesn’t know but Harry supported him the whole way and Louis can deal with that. 

Niall is passed out on the sofa with one of the girls he was dancing with on top of him and another curled up on the other armchair.

“Champion” Harry croaks while throwing a blanket over the duo and the other girl. He guides Louis into his bed and curls Louis into him until he falls back asleep.

/

A week later Louis’ bubble explodes and quite violently.

He loses his job at the cafe when the boss catches him wanking in the supply closet with his phone against his ear and Harry purring on the other line.

He doesn’t even protest, just runs out of there with his head hanging in embarrassment. He spends that evening convincing Harry it was not his fault.

The following day he gets a letter from his university informing him his grant for fees has been cut. Quite significantly.

Louis rings the college absolutely sure they must be wrong but they only confirm it and tell him that unless he can pay, he’s out.

Louis panics at first, goes for a pint second and panics some more.

He doesn’t even meet Harry for their new morning tradition of a quick tea and kiss in the cafe beneath Harry’s flat.

Which of course is why Harry shows up at his door at noon banging on it and demanding the “man who is fucking _my_ Louis to reveal himself or else”.

Louis opens the door and Harry freezes mid-rant and takes a look at Louis appearance and lets himself in quietly. He sits Louis down on the sofa and makes him tea. Just the way he likes it, Louis brings himself to note. 

“What happened?” Harry asks quietly and Louis briefly wonders why his voice is croaky and he looks like he hasn’t slept yet. But he tells his story and does his best not to cry even though he wants nothing more than to break down there and then. He knows Harry wouldn’t care and would even help him smash things up if Louis wanted. That fact alone makes him want to cry even harder. 

When he’s done Harry holds him and tells him funny stories until Louis is laughing again and feeling that usual lightness he feels whenever Harry is around.

“You’re quite the jealous type aren’t you” Louis muses when Harry is washing the mugs in the sink.

Harry’s shoulders tense but Louis can hear the smile in his voice. “I was worried that’s all, you didn’t show up to the coffee shop”

“Mmhmm”

Harry turns around and leans against the counter. He looks jaded and in need of a shower but as always the smile he offers Louis is like brand new.

“I’m going to help you Lou, I promise” he says seriously, nibbling his lip and Louis smiles and says “yeah ok Harry” because why not.

/

Another week later and Harry slaps an envelope in front of him.

“What’s this?” Louis eyes it cautiously and Harry just smiles and taps it with his finger.

Louis opens it and gasps when he counts two hundred pounds.

“Where’d you get this?”

Harry taps his nose and winks.

“Harry I’m serious, tell me”

“I told you I’d help” his smile wavers and Louis can see him panicking internally.

“Yeah but-” 

Harry shuts him up with a kiss and Louis lets him.

/

It happens another week later but this time it’s 500 and not 200 and Louis tries his best not to freak out.

He wants to refuse the money but Harry won’t hear a word of it and he’s so damn earnest about it. Louis finds it impossible to ever say no to him. And Louis _knows_ he is being naïve and stupid and reckless but Harry has destroyed his willpower completely. 

“You know I’m going to get a job again soon Harry” he tells him but Harry merely shrugs and smiles offering to buy Louis another drink at the pub they’re in.

Louis sighs as he watches him charm the bartender into throwing in two free shots along with Harry’s gin and Louis’ alcopop. He makes everything seem so easy, Harry. Everything is done with a smile and a graceful wave of his hand. He makes Louis feel light on his feet.

They spend the night with random people at the bar and go back to Louis’ place to fuck.

Louis swears he’s never felt this happy.

/

After a long day of job searching Louis crawls into Harry’s bed. Niall let him in at five but Harry was still asleep. Louis always wonders how someone can sleep so long.

He cuddles into Harry’s sleeping body and patiently waits to either fall asleep himself or Harry to awaken.

He traces his fingers down Harry’s chest and stops just at his hipbone. He spots a large bruise that looks like a hickey that Louis has no recollection of putting there. A wave of jealousy washes over him and he presses into it a little too hard.

Harry stirs but doesn’t wake up. Louis grits his teeth. Although they’ve never put a label on what they are Louis was pretty certain that when Harry had painted “Louis’ Jane” on his chest, it had meant he _was_ Louis’.

He presses into it harder and pinches it until Harry jolts up. His hair is askew and his eyes are so bloodshot that Louis even hisses at the sight of them.

“Lou?” Harry wipes his eyes and his voice is so sleepy that Louis wants to wrap him up in the blanket and kiss him back to sleep.

“Harry what’s this?” Louis asks and presses into the hickey to make sure Harry knows exactly what he’s talking about.

Harry flinches and wipes his eyes again, shakes the curls out of his face in a way that lets Louis know he’s nervous.

“It is what it is”

Louis seethes at that and Harry watches him carefully.

“Well who did it?” Louis tries to sound like he isn’t as bothered as he is bit it’s so hard to lie to Harry. Especially when he looks as vulnerable as he does now.

“Does it matter?” Harry shrugs and avoids Louis’ eyes. Probably coz they flash with the hurt that Louis feels.

“Do _I_ matter?” Louis blurts out and Harry snaps to look at him.

“Of course you do!”

“Then what the fuck?” Louis hisses and pinches the hickey again and again until Harry is pushing him away.

“You’re mine Harry” Louis says through gritted teeth because looking at Harry in his pristine room looking the opposite of pristine and staring at Louis with those green eyes makes his insides stir with jealousy.

Harry shifts until he’s sitting upright and facing Louis properly. His eyes are still bloodshot and he looks terrified. He hangs his head and links their fingers together so gently that Louis thinks he wasn’t even supposed to notice.

“Yeah Lou”

“You’re mine?”

Harry nods his head and squeezes his hand.

“Am I yours?” Louis asks and it comes out in a whisper so quiet that maybe Harry didn’t hear and Louis can’t stop being so damn vulnerable to this kid.

Harry looks up and his eyes are filled with fears that Louis wants to diminish but he beams at Louis through them.

“You’re mine” he says and pecks Louis on the lips until they’re both laughing and holding onto each other like they’re each other’s anchors.

/

For weeks Harry hands him envelope after envelope of money. Price ranging from 200 to almost 600 pounds. Every time Louis asks him how he got it Harry winks and blushes and kisses him.

Louis is so grateful he really is but there is always that worry there. Harry’s constantly bloodshot eyes, erratic behaviour and unknown job are something he always wants to ask about. 

But then Harry will distract him by saying something ridiculous to make him laugh or press him against the nearest wall and whisper the filthiest things in his ear.

Harry misses their dates sometimes and tells Louis it’s because of work or because he is too tired. He passes out at parties all the time and tells Louis it’s because he’s so exhausted.

Louis is starting to feel lied to but he drills on. He still feels so unbelievably happy when he causes the dimples to appear on Harry’s cheeks face or when Harry does someone small like kiss his nose in public. He tells Louis he has the nicest nose in the history of noses and its things like that that make Louis feel warm from the inside out.

Whenever Harry wants to tell him he will. Louis will just have to wait.

/

Louis eventually manages to pay his rent he owes and has nearly enough to pay for university. 

All he needs is five hundred more and he will be sorted. And he’s going to get a job and earn it. He’s adamant. He’s going to pay Harry back every cent no matter how much Harry complains. He feels so guilty using Harry’s money for this but Harry seems more than happy and content to hand it over like it is no big deal. It’s a never ending cycle for Louis and he is starting to feel more than a little stressed out. 

For four days straight he doesn’t see Harry but instead of worrying he tried to find a job. At night he texts him and Harry seems normal enough bar the odd spelling mistake or excessive amount of x’s.

It’s only when Niall calls him in the early hours of a Thursday night when alarm bells start to ring.

“Niall?” He answers and knows his voice sounds laced with worry but it is 4am and Niall never calls him.

“Um, hey” Niall whispers and his voice sounds wrecked. Louis is already dressed. “Louis I… I don’t know what to do”

Louis swallows the feeling of sick in his throat and tells Niall he will be there in ten.

He hops in a taxi and jumps out a street a block away from Harry’s without paying. He fights the guilt and tells himself that the faster he gets there the better.

When Louis walks up to the apartment door there is a pool of sick on the ground and a smudge of blood on the door handle.

The door is already unlocked and Louis cautiously pushes it open, trying to find the bravery he’s going to need.

He hears noises coming from the kitchen and makes his way in.

Niall is pottering around with a number of blood soaked face cloths in his hand, muttering nonsense and looking like a lost little kid.

“Niall?” Louis tries to attract him quietly but Niall’s muttering becomes louder and he drops a cloth from his shaky hand.

Louis fights the panic and reaches out to gently touch Niall’s elbow. He whips around with a shout of fright and Louis has to keep him at arm’s length until Niall registers who he is.

“Bedroom” is all Niall manages to say and returns to cleaning up the kitchen. Louis runs to Harry’s bedroom. He’s not in there and Louis panics momentarily before realising Niall meant his own.

Harry’s curled up on the floor by the single bed and if Louis had to compare him to anything it would be a feral animal. He’s shaking and whimpering and a light sheen of sweat covers his skin. He’s only wearing a pair of boxers and Louis gasps at the bruises that cover his skin.

“Harry” he groans and bends down to touch him but Harry flinches away and only shivers more.

“What happened? Who did this?” Louis tries in vain to stop the flow of tears but they come anyway. They fall from the tip of Louis’ nose onto Harry’s skin. Harry looks so fragile that Louis is afraid they might hurt him.

“Who the fuck did this?” Louis shouts and hears Niall walk into the room and stand behind him.

“He’s off his head man, he can’t even speak” Niall mutters and Louis looks at Harry’s eyes. They’re so blown and teary and he is moving his jaw erratically like he’s chewing on something that isn’t there.

“Jesus” Louis sobs and leans down to cover Harry’s body with his own. Usually it’s Harry who envelops him but right now Louis is Harry’s blanket.

After what seems like hours of Harry shivering and murmuring and crying under him, he finally drifts off. With some effort, Louis and Niall lift him into Niall’s bed and Louis takes in the dark purple bruises and cuts that decorate Harry’s chest.

“Why are you putting him in your bed?” Louis asks instead of all the questions swimming in his brain. He doesn’t know if he is ready to hear the answers to them just yet. 

“His room is so clean, I didn’t want to wreck it” Niall shrugs and Louis wants to smile but he can’t.

They sit in silence and watch Harry sleep.

“I heard him vomiting outside the door. I found him lying in it, crying his eyes out” Niall tells him in a quiet voice and Louis looks at Harry instead of Niall, not wanting to see the raw pain in Niall’s eyes. “I took him inside and he shouted in pain when I tried to hoist him up by the arms. So I took his top off and saw… well that is what I saw” Niall gestures at Harry’s battered body and Louis wishes the term kissing it better was real.

“I don’t know who the fuck did this but when I find out…” Niall trails off and Louis sneaks a glance at him and his fists are clenched in the sheets and Louis feels like they’re both sharing the weight of the world on their shoulders. 

“What about the drugs?” Louis asks and Niall shrugs again.

“That’s just Harry”

Louis stomach sinks and every fear he had had comes to a head. Every time Harry’s eyes were painfully bloodshot or he slept for hours on end or passed out or behaved erratically flashes to mind. He knew why, of course he did he’s not stupid, but Harry was so perfect to him that he didn’t want it to be true.

He let his beautiful boy be ruined because he was too selfish and scared to do anything about it.

“Should we take him to hospital?” Louis asks as he takes in a rather nasty bruise on Harry’s ribs. 

Niall shakes his head and sighs “too many questions and he will only kill us if we take him”.

“Niall, get some sleep I’ll take it from here” Louis sighs and squeezes Niall’s arm. For a second he looks like he might protest but he nods and spares Harry another glance before slinking out of the room.

Louis lets himself cry when Niall leaves. Quiet sobs that nobody could possibly hear but it hurts. His whole body shakes and he feels like his heart is as bruised as Harry’s whole body is.

He lies down behind Harry and wraps his arms loosely around him and let’s his tears soak into the back of Harry’s neck.

It’s then he says it. He says what he’s feeling in the quiet room and where Harry won’t hear and if he does, he won’t remember anyway.

“I love you Harry” he whimpers and kisses the back of his hair. “I love you”

/

The following day Louis tries to wake Harry before noon to no avail. He and Niall busy themselves by cleaning and cooking and avoiding anything that leads to talking about the problem at hand.

Zayn and Liam call him and text him and Louis ignores them. He shuts everything that could possible remind him that Harry is falling apart.

“Niall?” Harry’s hoarse cry comes from the room sometime around 6 and Niall and Louis share a look. Niall nods at Louis and hands him the now cold dinner he had made earlier to take down to the room.

When Louis walks in Harry freezes and curls into himself more under the duvet.

Louis sets the plate of food down on Niall’s overloaded bedside locker and perches on the side of the bed.

“Lou-” Harry begins and his voice sounds like his throat is covered in thorns.

Louis waves him off and thinks. What to say or what to do. What he wants to do is tell Harry’s it’s ok and kiss him but that’s not what he _has_ to do.

“Harry what’s happening?” Louis asks quietly and watches Harry idly play with the food on the plate. He winces every time he moves and tries his best to keep the duvet tucked under his chin.

“Stop hiding yourself” Louis begs and he means it in more way than one.

“I can’t remember what happened” Harry mutters, refusing to meet Louis eyes.

“Why are you letting this happen to yourself? Don’t you care?” Louis pinches the insides of his palms to stop himself from lashing out or crying.

Harry huffs and shuffles up in the bed to lean against the headboard. “The only thing I care about is you” he says and it’s so honest and open that Louis double takes.

“Well if that’s true than you’re not doing a very good job” Louis snaps and Harry looks down and bites his lip. “I came over at 4am last night to find you in a horrible state and Niall acting like it is not the first time he’s seen something like this. What do you think that does to me?”

Harry clutches at the sheets and Louis wonders is it to stop himself from reaching out and touching Louis. Because Harry is all about touch, sight, sound, smell. Never words. Just his senses. He could simply rub a knuckle across Louis’ cheekbone and in that are a thousand caring words. Drag a thumb up the inseam of his jeans and wear his nicest cologne and Louis knows exactly what Harry wants.

But now Harry stops himself and tries to use his words. He opens and closes his mouth several times before coming out with a simple “I’m so sorry” and although it is genuine and laced with guilt, Louis feels like it is not enough.

“Has this got anything to do with the money you’ve been giving me?” Louis asks, afraid of the answer.

Harry shakes his head and his fingers slowly reach over the bed to lie on top of Louis’.

“Louis I don’t remember what happened last night and I’m sorry. I won’t let this happen again, I’m trying,” he squeezes Louis’ fingers “I _am_ trying for you”

Louis looks straight at him and for once Harry is an open book. His eyes are no longer bloodshot and the true green of his irises shines out. His mouth quivers on what might be a borderline smile or frown and he’s looking at Louis like …. like Louis is his everything.

Louis sighs and Harry continues squeezing his hand until he pulls it up to his mouth and kisses each of Louis knuckles like they’re the best thing in the world.

And Louis wants to say it again. He wants to kiss each of Harry’s bruises away and say _I love you_ over and over until Harry feels happier than Louis ever could imagine another human being. 

But Harry’s pained whimpers when he tries to hug Louis stop him and he spends the rest of the evening tending to Harry’s every need.

He leaves Niall and Harry alone for a little and goes outside to call Zayn and Liam to let them know he’s ok.  
When he returns Harry is limping into his own room with red rimmed eyes and Harry doesn’t tell so Louis doesn’t ask.

They fall asleep with Harry nuzzling into Louis neck whispering a thousand apologies and Louis screaming his I love you’s in his head.

/

A few weeks before Louis is supposed to be back in college he gets a very stern phone call from the board of administration.

He needs to pay the remaining five hundred before the week is out or he won’t be let back in.

Harry’s by his side when he gets the call and it’s futile to even try lying to him about it. When Louis finishes telling him, Harry is frowning in the way that Louis always teases him for resembling a small dinosaur.

“Let me help, please Louis” he begs and Louis shakes his head. He knows Harry told him his previous bust up had nothing to do with the money but somehow an uneasy feeling stirs in Louis’ stomach at his request. He can get the money himself, he’s got to. 

“Can’t you ask your Mum?” Harry tries and Louis shakes his head again. He used to send his Mum money sometimes if he got a good wage at work and asking her for money back would make him feel an overwhelming sense of shame. 

“You’re not superman you know” Harry huffs and Louis hates being told he’s anything less than what he tries to be so he does the only thing he can.

He turns and flips Harry onto his back on the couch, earning him a small cry of delight.

“We’ll see if you’ll be saying that in a few minutes” he growls and trails his lips all down Harry’s chest before sucking an impressive hickey right between his bellybutton and Harry’s jeans.

“You’re the worst” Harry groans and Louis grins into his thigh before biting it.

“No, you are”

/

After a week of unsuccessful job hunting, Louis future education is looking bleak. He starts to prepare himself to give up his life-long dream of teaching children. He also prepares himself for the fact that he may be working in cafes his whole life. Granted Harry doesn’t get him fired for sneaking a wank in every now and then.

“Have you got the rest of the money yet?” Zayn asks as he cooks dinner for them all one night. It sickens Louis how much Zayn has changed since Liam decided to suck his dick on a regular basis.

Harry watches Louis from the corner of his eye but keeps his conversation with Niall going strong.

“Not really” Louis mumbles and Harry visibly tenses while Zayn shifts awkwardly at the oven.

“You know I would help you if I could” Liam says and the pity in his eyes makes Louis feel sick to his stomach.

“Liam it’s fine ok stop worrying” Louis waves him off with his usual bright laugh but they all know him. They know his false confidence means that inside his fear is ebbing away at him.

Zayn looks like he is going to say something but thankfully for Louis he doesn’t. Louis grits his teeth as pitiful look after pitiful look is thrown his way.

“Guys stop looking at me like I am dying” he eventually snaps halfway through dessert and Liam jumps.

“I can always go back to university when I’m older ok?” He says and wonders why it is him making _them/_ feel better. It is like Louis is their sun and if he’s not shining; neither are they.

Harry stands up abruptly and thanks Zayn for the food in a rushed murmur before heading for the door.

Everyone stares after him in confusion until Louis darts after him and catches him just before he opens the door.

“Harry?” Louis grabs his elbow with a huff of laughter and Harry turns to him.

“I remembered I had a meeting tonight for work and I’m already late” Harry says and avoids Louis eyes. Louis watches his fingers twitch on the door handle and the way his eyes dart between Louis and the door.

“Yeah your work which I know nothing about” Louis sighs and Harry at least has the decency to look guilty.

“I will come back when I’m done” he says before kissing Louis cheek and rushing out the door.

After a few seconds of collecting his thoughts, Louis turns around and Zayn is leaning against the wall giving Louis an incredulous look.

“You’re so stupid sometimes Louis” he sighs before pushing himself off the wall and retreating into his bedroom, leaving Louis alone in silence.

/

Louis is busy wallowing in self-pity a few days later when he decides to be the bigger man and ring his college to formally drop out.

He’s put on hold for ten minutes and thinks about the fact he hasn’t seen Harry once since that dinner. He thinks about the texts Harry sent him _I’m ok, I got caught up with work_ and how Zayn had called him stupid. How Zayn was probably right.

“Sorry Mr Tomlinson, I am confused here. It says you just need one hundred more and that it is being paid tomorrow afternoon?” The woman he was connected to says and Louis sits up in his bed.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, your brother came in yesterday with the four hundred and said you would give him the other hundred on a cheque for us tomorrow”

“My brother?”

“That’s right”

“Curly hair? Tall? Looks nothing like me?”

“That’s the one”

Louis hangs up and for another ten minutes he seethes. He told Harry to leave it and fuck knows how Harry paid for it. Flashes of Harry covered in blood and sick and out of his head on whatever drug comes to his mind and he stands up in a fit of absolute rage.

Rage because for _months_ he’s been letting Harry charm him with those ridiculous dimples and soothing touches when he should have been seeing the bigger picture.

Harry’s a drug addict and does god knows what. Louis is probably Harry’s latest drug and just like all drug addicts, Harry will find something better and stronger in time.

The thing about Louis is when he finds someone he’s willing to be vulnerable and childish and so so in love around, that person is a keeper no matter what.

But he can’t do this. He can’t look at Harry’s eyes which he once saw beautiful eclipses in and now knows it is nothing to do with him but everything to do with the drugs. He can’t have Harry pay for everything when he doesn’t even know how Harry earned it or if it is even legal. 

And he absolutely cannot lose Harry to something evil and cruel and every adjective that is the opposite of what he thinks of Harry himself.

He grabs his keys off the table and puts his jacket on.

He’s going to end it with Harry before Harry ruins himself any further.

/

When Louis fiddles with the fire exit door to Harry’s apartment block like Niall showed him once, he finally makes his way inside.

The atmosphere around him as he ascends the stairs is almost crippling and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s about to walk into a cloud of mistake. But he is too angry to care and marches on anyway.

The first alarm bell sounds when he finds Harry and Niall’s door already open. The second when an unknown man shouts with what Louis fears is pleasure. The third and final alarm bell, when he hears Harry whimper and Louis knows it is in pain.

He thunders through the door and kicks the door to Harry’s room down when he finds the damn thing locked.

Bile rises in his throat first at the smell of Harry’s room and then at what he sees.

A man much older that Harry and Louis combined has Harry face down on his once impeccable bed and is pounding into him with a pace Louis knows Harry doesn’t like.

The man is twice their size, height and width wise and his chest is laden with grey hair. He is sweating all over Harry and that makes a sickening slapping sound resonate through the room. It’s grotesque. _He_ is grotesque.

Harry’s face is mushed into the pillow but Louis can tell he is whimpering in pain and his gut boils with a rage Louis has never quite experienced.

“Who the fuck are you?!” The man snaps and doesn’t even have the decency to pull out of Harry. Harry tries to turn to see who the man is referring to but he keeps his hand on Harry’s neck, holding him in place.

“Get … get the fuck out” Louis hisses, anger completely taking over his body.

The man laughs and cocks and eyebrow as he fucks into Harry once more.

Louis crosses the room in two swift steps and draws his arm back to deliver a bone cracking punch right to the man’s nose. He recoils and holds his hands up and Harry is finally able to turn his head.

He has tear tracks on his face but his eyes are blown and he even grins at Louis when he realises it is him.

Before Louis can process that, the man shoves Louis back and gets off the bed.

“What kind of service is this?” He spits in Harry’s direction and starts picking his clothes up from the ground. “150 my arse, you’re not worth the dirt on my shoe”

“One more word and I will fucking destroy you do you understand me?” Louis squares up to him and doesn’t even find it in him to enjoy watching the thick spurt of blood running from his nose. He’s still naked and close to Harry and Louis needs him to be gone or he will lose it completely.

“You twinks are all the same” the man snorts with a disgusted expression so Louis throws in another punch just for good measure.

The man quickly rushes from the apartment and as soon as he is gone it’s like someone sucked all the air out of the room. Louis takes a few moments to collect his breath before turning to face the boy on the bed.

When he does he swallows a lump of sick in his throat. Harry is covered in bruises, from finger marks to love bites and they are everywhere. His hair is greasy and his eyes look like they’ve been bloodshot for days.

“Louuuu” Harry grins at him and it boils Louis’ blood and breaks his heart all at the same time.

“Harry…. what did I just walk in on?” Louis manages to speak but it comes out strained and sore.

Harry frowns and tries to sit up but falls back down after a grimace of pain.

“How long have you been doing this?” Louis wants to sound angry but instead he sounds like a heartbroken child. He feels like that too.

Harry laughs and flops down on the bed staring up at the ceiling like it’s the starry sky.

“Harry answer me!” Louis snaps and walks over and he really wants to slap Harry or kick him or hurt him just as bad as Harry is hurting him. But Harry looks like he’s been battered enough and that wrenches Louis heart.

He frowns again like Louis is being incredibly stupid, that he should already know what Harry was doing.

“It was for you” Harry whispers and his eyes are rolling and he’s slurring but he is still smiling like he’s done Louis a service.

“F-for me?” Louis gapes and his fists clench.

“Yeah, you needed the money” Harry shrugs and reaches over for the sachet of pills on his bedside locker.

Louis swats them out of his reach and stares at Harry in shock.

“So you sold yourself to pay for my tuition?” Louis confirms and Harry nods and grins again.

“Sold drugs too” he adds and shimmies over to try ad reach the sachet. He winces in pain and Louis thinks he can’t be in as much pain as Louis is in that moment.

He can’t think of anything to say, he just takes in Harry’s used body and wonders how many men had been in him hours before Louis himself had. He remembers the hickey on Harry’s hip the time he had whispered _I’m yours_ and everything becomes clear. He feels sick and his head is spinning and Harry is starting to loll from whatever drugs he was taking.

“Louis it was for you” Harry repeats in the tiniest voice Louis has heard come out of him. Normally hearing Harry like that would ruin him; in a good way. But Harry’s ruined him enough.

He turns and walks out from the door and shakes the whole time. Harry tries to move after him, Louis can tell from the cries of pain he emits. But Louis doesn’t turn back and makes his way into the hallway and falls against the wall into a sitting position.

He takes out his phone and shakily searches for Zayn’s number to dial it.

After a few rings he picks up and Louis chokes on what to say. Instead he fists his free hand in his hair and begs himself not to cry. Not again.

But he does and it is chest rattling sobs and he bangs the back of his head against the wall over and over wishing for everything to just escape his mind. But it doesn’t and he can hear Harry shouting inside, he can picture his bruised and dirty body, Zayn is soothing him on the other line and his knuckles are throbbing with pain.

“Why’d he do this to me Zayn? Why’d he do it to himself?” He hears himself sobbing and he can hardly breathe through the tears.

“Where are you Lou?” Zayn asks and Louis doesn’t even have the strength to answer him.

“I’m guessing you’re at Harry’s please stay there ok I’m coming” he can hear Zayn running about their flat, maybe Liam too. But he’s crying too hard and there are no tears anymore, it’s just his bone dry sobs echoing in the hallway.

He stays there with his arms covering his ears, head hanging and ignoring any sound that comes from Harry’s mouth. Soon, Harry goes quiet and every impulse in Louis screams at him to go in and check on him, make sure he’s ok. But he stays put until a strong pair of arms picks him from the ground.

“Oi, Zayn you stay here with him” Liam says to Zayn as Zayn goes thundering into Harry’s apartment.

“But-” Zayn fists are clenched and if Louis had any energy left, he would be asking Zayn to take it easy and listen to Liam. Instead he lets out an exhausted sigh and Zayn’s furious expression softens and he quickly takes Louis from Liam’s grip.

“It’s ok love, we’ve got you” Zayn whispers against his hair the whole time Liam is inside and Louis clings to him like Zayn is every lifeline Louis has left.

Soon Liam walks out and his naturally cheery and healthy expression has changed drastically. He’s pale and clammy and Louis realises now that that’s the effect Harry has on people. He changes them. And Louis thought for a brief happy time, that is was in a good way but standing here in Harry’s hallway he can’t help think the opposite.

“We need to get him to hospital” Liam says and both Zayn and Louis twitch at the words. Zayn in anger and Louis in concern. Louis wants to ask why, why do they need to take him there but the look in Liam’s eyes scares him into silence. 

“Why should we?” Zayn hisses and Louis almost misses the dirty look Liam throws him before fishing in his pocket for his phone.

“I’m going too” Louis says and Zayn’s grip on him strengthens and Liam simply nods before he’s connected to the emergency services.

Zayn drives Louis to the hospital before the ambulance arrives and they wait in a long and thick silence. Zayn opens and closes his mouth numerous times; probably trying to think of words to comfort Louis with or questions that Louis himself cannot stop thinking. 

When the paramedics wheel Harry through the door, Louis tries to stand to his feet to follow him but Zayn drags him back down and they watch as Harry is rushed into a shut off emergency room and out of Louis’ sight.

Louis shakes the whole time Harry’s in there and Zayn holds him tight. Louis can feel the tension in his best friend’s entire body as he holds onto him but Zayn just mutters reassurances into his ear. 

Thousands of things rush through Louis’ mind as they wait. How angry he still feels that Harry was doing this the whole time, how sad it makes him too, the worry that Harry might not be ok and the absolute _love_ coursing through his veins for him. 

After a long moment Liam finally arrives with Niall in tow. Niall. Who lives with Harry. Who clearly must have known _something_ was going on. All the times Niall watched Harry sadly and helped Louis clean Harry up. Irrational anger surges though Louis and he stands to his feet and grabs Niall by the collar of his shirt.

“You fucking knew Niall, you knew” he hisses in his face and Niall’s sad blue eyes widen in confusion. It enrages Louis how he could be so fucking oblivious. Just like Louis himself was. And it’s like Niall is his own reflection looking back at him so he shoves him against the wall and makes himself appear taller by standing on his toes.

Before Louis can get a word in, Niall’s expression changes from sad and confused to total rage in a split second. It would be impressive if Louis’ whole body wasn’t trembling with adrenaline.

“I _knew_?? You think I would let my best friend in the entire world go through this and not do anything?” He shouts grabbing Louis’ wrists and wrenching them from his collar.

“You think that lowly of me? Do you not realise that I’ve been too busy fooling around to realise how serious this had got? That I wasn’t _here_ for him? It’s fucking killing me! So don’t fucking blame me for anything when you’re the one he has been spending all his free time with” Niall shouts this time backing Louis against the other wall as Louis cowers from him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Louis tries to sound fierce and strong like Niall is but it comes out in a broken whisper.

Niall snorts and gives Louis the dirtiest look Louis has ever seen from the constantly smiling boy. “You know exactly what I mean” he snarls before turning away and walking towards the desk. He starts to fill in Harry’s paperwork for him and Louis notices how his hands shake as he lifts the clipboard and pen.

Zayn and Liam who had stood up in preparation for a fight look between each other and Louis with bewildered expressions on their faces.

“Leave me” Louis warns as Zayn steps towards him to comfort him and he storms outside before he suffocates.

Of course he knows what Niall meant. Louis knew all along that Harry was not doing ok, that he was never really _Harry_. He was this drugged up kid who made Louis feel so loved that he stood by and let this all happen. Louis wishes more than anything else that he had put a stop to it, made Harry listen to him for once.

But now he’s sitting outside a hospital with the image of Harry being fucked by that man (knowing he wasn’t even the first) and his ridiculously naive eyes as he told Louis it was all for him.

He hangs his head between his knees and shuts his eyes. He tries breathing deep and counting to ten, knowing it usually works but this time it only makes his head reel and an intense need to vomit.

He remains like this for some time and when he gets sick of counting the cracks on the pavement below his feet he faces the hospital and can almost feel the cracks forming in his heart. 

When he returns, he sees Niall pacing the floor arguing down his phone with what Louis guesses is Harry’s Mum referring to her as Ma’am. He’s gnawing at the skin by his thumbnail and by the time he hangs up it is bleeding.

“Cunt” Niall mutters and flops down on the seat across from Louis and drags his fingers through his hair.

“She not coming?”

Niall looks like he is considering ignoring him, his mouth is set in a tight line and his eyes are darting everywhere that isn’t Louis. Finally his shoulders slump and he shakes his head.

“Why not?” Louis gapes and Niall’s fists clench in his lap.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about him isn’t there?” Niall ponders and his voice is resigned and soft and Louis knows he is not trying to be unkind. In fact, he’s right. All he really knows about Harry is his mannerisms, all the ways he likes to make Louis happy, how many shades of green are in his eyes- but he knows nothing about _Harry_.

Niall sighs and runs his hand through his hair yet again. “She kicked Harry out when he was 15 for stealing money from everyone in the house. He was using it to buy drugs and alcohol and she got sick of it. He hasn’t spoken to her in years really, just the short phone calls at Christmas and his birthday” 

Louis’ stomach swoops with sadness as he thinks of his own moderately happy household. He can’t imagine upsetting his family to a level where they would gladly never see him again. 

“So… where did he go?” Louis asks and Niall finally looks at him and his eyes are back to that sad blue that he saw when Niall first entered the ER. 

“We ran away together” Niall huffs out a laugh and lets a small smile dance across his face. 

Louis doesn’t ask any more questions and spends the quiet time imagining the young Harry and Niall running off together and the things they must have got up to. He wants to turn to Niall and ask him everything there is to know about Harry, every single detail of the boy’s life but he stops himself. 

He will ask Harry himself. He will sit with Harry as he gets better and slowly get to know him. He will save him. And help Harry save himself. He knows that yeah, he is still so angry and upset over everything Harry has done but Harry doesn’t know any better. He needs someone to show him that he doesn’t need to hurt himself to get by in life. And it shouldn’t take something like this for Louis to realise that he is the one that will do that for Harry. He loves him too much to turn away. 

Zayn and Liam walk over and silently hand them hot drinks and sandwiches and Louis nearly drops his tea all over his lap when the doctor re-emerges from the room. Both he and Niall stand up and he gives them both a short smile. 

“Which one of you is Mr Horan, his next of kin?” the doctor asks, glancing down at the clipboard in his hand. 

Niall jabs his thumb at his own chest, looking too sick to open his mouth to speak. 

“Come with me”

Niall glances at Louis and Louis must look desperate because Niall insists Louis follow them too. 

“Only family-“ the doctor starts irritably as if he has said this many times before. 

“He is” Niall snaps and stares at the doctor, ready for a challenge. 

The doctor sighs and nods at Louis before pushing open the doors and letting the two boys through. 

Louis gasps when he sees Harry’s form on the bed. He looks… _tiny_. And Harry should never be tiny because lord knows he towers over Louis. 

As Louis walks closer to the bed he notices the bruises and cuts that decorate Harry’s ashen skin. His eyelashes fan across his cheekbones and Louis stares at them instead of the many tubes sticking out of Harry because they’re so much more appealing. His hair is matted and his hands are curled into scarred little fists even in his sleep.

“He’s had all traces of drugs drained from his system and minor surgery around his kidneys to stop a small internal bleed. He is stable now and should be let out tonight” the doctor informs them in a monotone before leaving the room.

A lump rises in Louis’ throat and if Niall was not there he would probably cry his fucking heart out. Niall seems to have no problem with that and grips Harry’s knee and lets his tears fall down without shame. “Fucking hell, what have I been doing that I couldn’t stop _this_ ” he hisses out wile wiping his eyes and Louis feels sick to his stomach with guilt. 

“God Niall I am so stupid and so so sorry. This is… this is all my fault” Louis says and has to stop as the tears in his eyes are dangerously close to falling. 

“Nah, Harry’s always had trouble with this shit but I never let it get this far, it’s not your fault. It’s his” Niall says and looks devastated to admit that, like he wants it to be anyone’s fault but Harrys. 

“ _I_ shouldn’t have let it get this far, I was with him nearly every day” 

Niall wipes his eyes again and sniffs away the last of his tears before turning to Louis with a determined look on his face. 

“Listen, Harry has a way of… sucking people in. He’s charming, funny, apparently good looking and just an all ‘round great person. It’s impossible not to be in love with him in some way. I know I am, not in the way you are though”

Louis frowns and mulls over Niall’s words, trying to figure out what he is getting at. 

“You didn’t want to see what was happening; he made you so happy that you lived in your own little world with him. He wanted that and he got it. But somehow he let this happen along the way. It’s not your fault Louis” Niall sighs and looks down at Harry, signalling the end of his speech. 

Louis is thankful that Niall in some way just forgave him but Louis will always feel guilty for this, no matter what anyone says. 

He will always feel guilty that while he was busy loving and being loved, Harry was busy loving and being ruined. He will feel guilty that when he was deciding to break up with this boy lying on a hospital bed, Harry was deciding to let some filthy old man use him to get money _for Louis_.

He feels sick but before he can duck into the bathroom to vomit, Harry’s hand twitches under his. Louis looks at Niall with wide eyes and Niall moves further up the bed and they both stare as Harry stirs back to consciousness. 

When his eyes open, they immediately squint from the brightness but seem to light up when they find Louis. Before he realises where he is and what happened he smiles as widely as he can and squeezes Louis’ hand. 

“Hey you” Louis sobs around a laugh and before Harry can open his mouth to speak, he winces in pain and lets out a small whimper. 

“M’sorry… so fucking sorry” he wheezes and his voice is laden with pain and his eyes are swimming with tears. Louis just wants to take all his agony and store it in the tiniest corner of his own heart so they never have to deal with it again. But he can’t and it breaks him. 

“Stop ok, just… let’s just get you better yeah?” Louis whispers and kisses Harrys head and hears the sharp intake of breath. Even that gentle touch is sore for Harry and Louis’ wonders how painful it is going to be to rebuild Harry to the person he knows he once was. 

“Can you two leave while we give him a check-up?” a nurse asks from the doorway and Niall brushes his hand over Harry’s cheek before they both slink out of the room. 

Zayn and Liam stand up and Niall tells them what happened while Louis sits down heavily on the cold plastic chair. 

/

That night the hospital releases Harry and Louis knows it is not because he feels any better but because they are sick of dealing with cases like his. It angers him but he takes Harry back home with the determination to heal him better than the doctors ever could. 

“Shall I run the bath?” Liam asks as Louis carries Harry in the door like a baby. 

“That hasn’t been used since we moved in” Louis smiles and Liam turns pink and Zayn mutters “’til last week maybe”. 

“You two disgust me” Louis snorts and Liam jogs off to run the bath anyway. 

Niall walks in just as the bath fills with a bag of Harry’s clothes and nods at them all solemnly. Zayn and Liam take him into the kitchen to make some food and Louis gets to the task of undressing Harry from his shitty hospital gown and dirty underwear. 

Liam had offered to help but Louis was adamant that nobody ever see Harry this vulnerable. He doesn’t know why really, and he maybe has no right to admit it, but he never wants anyone to see Harry naked ever again. 

Harry is pliant and still dazed and confused, letting Louis undress him and slowly stepping into the bath with Louis’ help. 

Louis had made sure the water wasn’t too hot but Harry still hisses as his body submerges into the water. Louis had also made sure not to put any bubbles or lotions in so as not to sting Harry’s cuts. Harry pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on the less bruised knee of the two. 

“I’m going to wash your hair now Curly” Louis says in a much stronger and happier voice than he thought he was capable of.

Harry simply nods and keeps his eyes trained on the water and his bottom lip tucked into his mouth as Louis uses a jug to pour water over his hair. He shampoos it softly and slowly, hoping it will relax Harry somewhat. But his bony shoulders remain taut and he pulls his knees up tighter in a sign of pure discomfort. 

“Shut your eyes” Louis whispers before rinsing the suds from his hair and Louis thinks that Harry, like this, is so starkly beautiful it makes his heart nearly apart at the seams. 

Louis takes a soft cloth and pours some body wash on it and starts to gently rub the areas of Harry’s arms that have no cuts or bruises. Harry only curls into himself tighter, making it nearly impossible for Louis to clean him. 

“Harry, love, I need you to relax so I can clean you ok?” Louis says softly and tries to pry Harry’s arms from around his knees. 

Harry shakes his head and refuses to look at Louis, frowning at the water instead. 

“Please” Louis begs and Harry finally looks at him. His eyes are black and empty and so tired that Louis wants to cry looking at them. He wonders all those times the green eyes sparkled at him which times were because of Louis and which were because of the drugs. 

“I….” Harry starts and his voice is croaky like he hasn’t used it in days, it makes him seem even more exhausted than he already is. “Louis” he just whispers and his bottom lip wobbles a bit before he sucks it back in and he shuts his eyes tight but relaxes his body so Louis can wash him. 

Louis’ hands shake as he scrubs Harry, trying to ignore the hisses of pain so he can just clean any trace of the past from his boy. He uses his hands to wash water over the scabs on Harry’s arm. They feel like some warped version of braille and Louis closes his eyes and reads the words of regret that they spell. 

“All done” he whispers because it seems talking may just penetrate any sense of calm Harry feels. 

Harry’s eyes remain closed but his lips quirk into a tiny smile and that is enough for Louis to smile himself. 

He helps Harry out of the bath and wraps his curls in one towel and his body in another. If this were any other time, Louis would laugh at how silly he looks but Harry’s sad eyes and bruised body remove any humour from the situation. 

“Let’s get you to bed” Louis sighs and walks Harry towards his bedroom, ignoring the concerned gazes from the three lads in the kitchen.

He sits Harry on his bed and pats any water droplets on his body away with the towel and throws it in the corner. 

“Niall brought some of your clothes over, that was nice wasn’t it?” he converses with fake nonchalance as he roots through the bag Niall left in his room. 

“I want to wear your clothes” Harry mutters as Louis pulls out a familiar looking pair of pyjama bottoms from the bag.

Louis ignores the stuttering in his heart and the stupid argument of ‘but they won’t be big enough’ and rifles through his own clothes for something clean. 

“Arms up then” he smiles at Harry and looks away when Harry grimaces while lifting his arms and fights the urge to kiss the tip of his nose when his head gets caught in Louis’ favourite jumper. 

“Too small” Harry huffs when he finally pulls it over his head. He looks like he loves it anyway, burying his nose and mouth into the arm of the jumper which doesn’t quite reach his wrists. 

Louis puts boxers on for him and feels a bubble of anger in his stomach at the finger marks he spots on Harry’s hips. He covers them quickly with the fabric of a spare pair of his pyjamas and soon Harry is curled up on Louis’ bed. 

“Comfy?” Louis asks, sitting on the edge of it and brushing hair from Harry’s eyes. 

Harry nods his head and that empty look is back in his eyes as he stares at Louis. 

“Why?” he whispers and Louis frowns in confusion. 

“Why what?” 

Harry nibbles on his bottom lip and curls into Louis’ pillow for a moment before turning to him again. 

“Why are you still here? With me?” 

Louis frowns again. 

“I don’t deserve it” Harry croaks and finally the tears Louis knew he was keeping in are falling from his eyes. 

Louis sighs and crawls over Harry’s legs to lie behind him, wrapping himself around the damaged body in front of him. 

“A while ago, the last time something happened, we were in this exact same position and you were asleep and you know what I said?” Louis whispers into Harry’ ear and Harry shakes his head and his body shake with silent sobs. 

“I told you I loved you. And I do love you Harry. Not just a little bit either, like, I really fucking love you. I _adore_ you, I fucking _cherish_ you and I never said it when you were awake because I am stupid. And I’m stupid for letting this happen to you, so stupid” he says in what feels like one breath and his own tears dampen his cheeks but he won’t let Harry see. 

Harry’s gone rigid in his grip and Louis feels him struggle to turn around. 

“Don’t hurt yourself” Louis says gently but let’s Harry turn in his arms until their noses are nearly touching. 

Harry’s eyes are wide and his expression is impossible to read but he is no longer crying so Louis counts it as a minuscule victory. 

The silence is long and Louis watches as hundreds of thoughts and emotions cross Harry’s eyes until he finally opens his mouth to speak.

“When I was 13 I took my first drink of alcohol and though it was brilliant. It was fun and I always had a good time, well most of the time anyway. It was enough for me for a year but then I got bored, I wanted something more. So I found the right people in school and they gave me what I wanted, pills, powder what the fuck ever, I didn’t care. I took it all. I stole money to buy it. My family’s money. I didn’t care though and they kicked me out. So Niall ran away with me, helped me stay off the stuff for a few years, and made me enjoy life without that shit. That’s Niall for you” Harry stops and laughs a bit, looking anywhere but Louis’ eyes as he speaks. 

“I started taking pills again a few weeks before I met you but it was never anything serious. Then you came along and fuck… you were like a kind of drug to me you know? I think I fell for you right away but I stayed on the pills because, well I guess I’m weak like that. Then you needed money for rent and college and so did I because I needed more fucking drugs. So I took so many drugs, went out and sold my fucking body for us. Because I thought that was the way to do it. I thought it would make us happy” and he stops again and reaches out to stroke a finger across Louis’ collarbone that’s poking out from his t-shirt. 

“But look at us now. We’re broken before we’re even started really” Harry snorts bitterly and glances at Louis whose eyes probably mirror Harry’s in terms of utter sadness. 

“But we can fix each other, can’t we?” Louis asks, feeling ridiculously small and scared, like Harry is a judge and he is a criminal waiting for his sentence. 

“Can we?” Harry returns and looks terrified. 

And Louis loves him. He doesn’t know why really but he remembers what Niall said. It’s pretty fucking hard not to and Louis knows that no matter what he does or what Harry does, he will always love this person lying in front of him. 

“Do you… do you love me Harry?” Louis asks and holds in a breath. 

“You bloody idiot of course I do. I’m so in love with you it hurts nearly more than any of this” Harry laughs shortly, gesturing at himself. 

“Then yeah, yeah we can. We’ll fix each other and love each other and you’ll get better and I’ll never let anything happen to you ever again” Louis says sounding stupidly immature but certain at the same time and can’t help smiling his first real smile in a long time. 

“You’re cute when you’re stubborn” Harry murmurs and again strokes a finger over Louis’ exposed skin. 

“You have to promise to stick to that though” Louis says seriously, looking at Harry and waiting for a look of apprehension to cross his face. But Harry just smiles, a scared smile that Louis can see a mixture of self-doubt and conviction in. 

“I promise Louis” he says and Louis presses a quick kiss to his lips and pulls Harry in to a hug. 

“I love you” Louis whispers into his curls and his heart explodes with hope and love and light as Harry clutches him like a lifeline and whispers “I love you too”. 

**end**

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone who helped me with this, you know who you are


End file.
